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Why I Went Into Exile

Gabe Alkorda

I am a Jedi.

I was not elected, I was not chosen, I did not choose. I was agreed upon and became a Jedi. As a Jedi, I was a member of the Jedi Order. As a member of the Jedi Order, I in turn served the Jedi Order. The Order, however, served something as well: the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances. It’s not something thrown easily out to students or spun around on the news feeds. It’s an unfortunate fact that remains hidden until the Galactic Alliance decides to call its special police force into service.

When that call came, I answered it.

I was asked by the Chief of State of the Galactic Alliance, the leader of the free galaxy, to serve as director of a special division of the GA’s justice division. With one simple word, “yes”, I became the director of the Galactic Alliance Intelligence Department. The department was charged with the task of maintaining security in areas that the common people do not know about or do not need to know about. I was charged with controlling that department and making sure that it operated effectively and efficiently.

I did a damn good job.

If I had been a civilian, a normal person, someone who just needed a job, it would have made things flow much easier for my conscience. If the Chief of State hadn’t been a glory-through-conflict seeking Trandoshan, it would have made things flow much easier for the galaxy. However, I was a Jedi, and he was a Trandoshan. He was my superior, I was under his jurisdiction and command. I carried out my assignments with great speed, accuracy, and skill. Nothing ever stood in my way that I couldn’t overcome. Nothing until the end when I remembered the truth I had long chosen to ignore.

I was a Jedi committing the acts of a Sith.

When my best friend since I was twelve lay there motionless, his chest charred, burned, and smoking, I realized that I had done it to him. Hal was dead because I had ignored who I was in order to become someone else. A thousand realizations raced through my head, I instantly remembered the faces of all those I had killed. Although I remembered who I was, I was still the person I had become. After my mind calmed, it settled on one final thing.

Justice means that Feksk must die.

I traveled to his office, played the pet, and then executed him. Just like that, the war was over. The only reason it had existed in the first place was because of him. With him gone, the peace that had always been there would finally be able to show its face.

In my mind, I had just saved the galaxy.

Seeing the children’s faces back at the Temple on Yavin made me realize a much different fact. I hadn’t won any battle, I hadn’t saved anyone, I was no hero. I lost when I traded my allegiance to the Force for a small badge and a crisp new uniform with the acronym GAID on the back. Seeing my brother cry, feeling my former Padawan’s confusion through the Force, and the lack of feeling in my chest made me realize who I’d become. I now remembered who I was, and knew who I’d become.

I knew which was better.

The only option was to exile myself. It had been so long since I’d really listened to the Force, so it was difficult for me to do. That was the one thing that was clear, though. I had to go into exile. There were still plans for me yet, which would be ruined by doing anything else. Like so long ago, the Force called, and I followed.

I am a Jedi.